Funniest man ever dies

Normally I start my day every morning (or actually afternoon) by logging on to the internet and I usually just browse the headlines to see if anything piques my interest. And today before I checked my email I see one of my favorite people ever and arguably the funniest man ever died. For the people who don't know it's George Carlin, the man I've seen referred to in several articles this morning as a counterculture hero. Famous for his bits such as the 7 words you can't say on TV, differences between baseball and football and his rants on topics such as the soft language of today and religion.

He was 71 and performed just last week, he looked to be in better shape in his last HBO special then his one before that. He had a history of heart and drug problems (including cocaine in the 70's) and checked himself into rehab several years ago for prescription drugs. He died of heart failure.

He also was the 1st host of Saturday Night Live and Mad TV and was on the long time TV show Shining Time Station that was seen by millions of kids. He also starred in movies like Dogma, Bill and Ted, and Cars. He also had 23 comedy albums, 14 HBO specials (including one as recently as March) and 3 best selling books.


The thing that I respected him the most is that he always told it like it is, wasn't afraid of authority, as evidenced by his 7 words you can't say on TV bit that got him arrested in Milwaukee. And here it is for those who have never seen it:



And now that he's died he'll complete the Mt. Rushmore of comedians along with Richard Pryor, Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks. The 1st 3 are shoe-ins maybe Hicks is up for debate but for social commentary Hicks is at the top of the list.

He had just completed his 50th year in comedy and was slated to receive the Mark Twain award in American humor in November. He had won 4 Grammy's and has been cited by numerous people as being a big influence in the comedy world.

He was always pushing the envelope, causing people to think and question themselves and society. And though it almost cost him in his early career proved to have been the best decision he ever made, playing sold out concert halls and plenty of other venues. Here's a snippet of George Carlin's views on how language has softened over the years:




The man was also a linguist, just evidenced by his poem "Modern Man" or baseball vs. football or the 7 words bit. He was also never afraid to give his opinion on society and the deterioration of man. "I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas," he once said in a 2001 interview. No one will ever come close to his variety either constantly reinventing himself and finding new ways to present material, you could literally watch his entire collection of standup and find very few similarities in his performances. But at the same time they were all structured perfectly timed and executed to present joke after joke that could leave you laughing for hours and hours. I'm just lucky to have had the privilege to see George back in November when visiting my friend in Missourri. I leave you with a couple more bits that I liked including one on baseball vs. football







Here are some other articles on Carlin's death:

AP article about George

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/OBIT_GEORGE_CARLIN?SITE=TXDAM&TEMPLATE=ENTERTAINMENT_GL.html

Picture gallery chronicling Carlin

http://www.ew.com/ew/gallery/0,,20208391,00.html

Time article on George

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1817192,00.html?cnn=yes

Interview with Larry King on Carlin

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/06/23/larryking.carlin/index.html


Lastly I just hope kids more my age can get to know and love George Carlin for what he was, a great comedian and person. It sickens me to know that some kids may think Dane Cook might be the funniest person they know when in truth he's a hack and a thief. But people these days seem to not give a damn about stuff like morals and values they just want a cheap laugh, and never giving some guy before there time a chance at all.

RIP George wherever the hell you are, I'll pray to Joe Pesci for you tonight.

Something that bothered me

First off before I start I'd like to point out that I saw Harold and Kumar 2 tonight and that once again I had to see yet another grown man's dick, this is of course referring to the column 3 down from here if you think this blog may be worth my time.


Now then onto more important matters, the home page for my computer is Comcast and they always have these little news snippets or video's much like any other home page (Yahoo, MSN etc...) Sometimes if something piques my interest I'll read the article, this time I saw this video about Tom Hanks presidential endorsement. I think I clicked on the link just to annoy myself. And before you read this I'm sure it's been written about a hundred times before but it bothered me.


Now I do not hate Tom Hanks by any means, Forrest Gump makes me stop whatever show I'm watching and I focus on that movie until it's over. I just would like to slap (that's right slap) the person in the face and knee in the balls (I never understand why people say groin when we really know what u mean) who thought to themselves, hey people always bitch and complain about low voters turnouts how 'bout we get a celebrity (or 90) and let there opinion be heard, doesn't that sound like a neatto idea? It's the same contrived load of crap every single freakin time, "This is the most important election of your lives, blah blah blah I was in a movie where I took over the govt. we had a bunch of stunts and in the end I got the girl. It's up to you to make history, now where's my check?"

Here's the video by the way:



Now the thing I can actually respect about Tom Hanks is that he knows it's a crock what he's doing and pokes fun at himself by saying beware, celebrity endorsement and mocking how people's decisions have been made. But other celebs out there that take themselves way to seriously actively campaigning for Hillary or Barrack just sit back a minute and SHUT THE HELL UP! It's embarrassing to think there are people out there that one would actually vote based on who so and so prefers. I'm not saying there are thousands upon thousands thinking to themselves, well if the guy who did Forrest Gump and was an animated cowboy likes Barrack then by golly he's got my vote but there have to be some moronic teenagers to early twenty somethings who just watch MTV before they go whoring themselves out who are influenced by this stuff (I'm sure Tom Hanks isn't as good an example as someone else closer to there demographic.) But there's no doubt in my mind that if Oprah took her show on the road with Barack's tour from August to November (assuming he gets the Democratic nod) she could influence lonely housewives everywhere.

It just goes to show you how much people love celebrities no matter how much they bitch about them or want someone like Brittney to go away. And I'm not saying I'm innocent of it but I'm not always in the loop on her or Lyndsay Lohan or who got kicked off American Idol (I'd give a toe to make that show go away)I just think if anyone can't for one think for themselves or 2 be informed then he/she has no right to vote.

And since I could give a damn about politics I will not vote because I will not be following the election close enough to consider myself informed and because 1 vote does not make a difference, despite what people tell you.

Grading the mock drafts

All right so now that the NFL draft is nearly a week old I have decided to take some of the top analysts when it comes to grading the NFL draft and we will see how they did guessing there mock drafts.

Here is the point system for every pick they get correct:
10 points for getting a pick correct
5 for being within 3 picks
2 points for being within 10 picks

And here are the mock drafts we will look at:
Rick Gossellin from the Dallas Morning News

Mel Kiper from ESPN (note: I couldn't find the official link to his mock draft so I googled it and I assume this was his final mock draft, as silly as it looks)

Mike Mayock from the NFL network

Scott Wright from nfldraftcountdown.com

Jeff Risdon from realgm.com

And here is how the the actual first round went like:
* means a trade occured

1. Miami Dolphins - Jake Long LT
2. St. Louis Rams - Chris Long DE
3. Atlanta Falcons - Matt Ryan QB
4. Oakland Raiders - Darren McFadden RB
5. Kansas City Chiefs - Glenn Dorsey DT
6. New York Jets - Vernon Gholston DE/OLB
7. New Orleans Saints* - Sedrick Ellis DT
8. Jacksonville Jaguars* - Derrick Harvey DE
9. Cincinatti Bengals - Keith Rivers OLB
10. New England Patriots* - Jerod Mayo ILB
11. Buffalo Bills - Leodis Mckelvin CB
12. Denver Broncos - Ryan Clady LT
13. Carolina Panthers - Johnathan Stewart RB
14. Chicago Bears - Chris Williams OT
15. Kansas City* - Branden Albert OG/OT
16. Arizona - Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie CB
17. Detroit Lions* - Gosder Cherilus OT
18. Baltimore Ravens* - Joe Flacco QB
19. Carolina Panthers* - Jeff Otah OT
20. Tampa Bay Buccanneers - Aqib Talib CB
21. Atlanta Falcons* - Sam Baker OT
22. Dallas Cowboys - Felix Jones RB
23. Pittsburgh Steelers - Rashard Mendenhall RB
24. Tennessee Titans - Chris Johnson RB
25. Dallas Cowboys* - Mike Jenkins CB
26. Houston Texans - Duane Brown OT
27. San Diego Chargers - Antoine Cason CB
28. Seattle Seahawks* - Lawrence Jackson DE
29. San Francisco - Kentwan Balmer DT
30. New York Jets* - Dustin Keller TE
31. New York Giants - Kenny Phillips FS

I think many of the people's mock drafts because of the amount of trades in the 1st round. Not to mention this draft had the most trades ever with 34
Here are all the trades that went down in the 1st round:

New Orleans Saints traded the 10th pick and there 3rd rounder to New England for the 7th pick and there 5th round pick

Jacksonville Jaguars trade the 26th pick 2 3rd round picks and there 4th round pick to the Baltimore Ravens for the 8th pick of the draft.

Kansas City Chiefs traded up from the 17th pick and there 3rd and 5th round picks in exchange for Detroits 15th pick and there 3rd round pick

Baltimore traded up from 26th overall and gave up there 2nd 3rd round pick and a 6th round pick for Houston's 1st round (18th overall)

The Panthers gave up there 1st round pick next year and there 2nd and 4th round pick for the Philadelphia Eagles 1st round pick (19th)

The Atlanta Falcons traded 2 2nd round picks (34th and 48th) and there 4th round pick for Washington's 1st round pick at 21 and there 3rd and 5th round picks

The Dallas Cowboys traded there 2nd 1st rounder (28th) and there 5th and 7th round pick to the Seahawks for the 25th pick

The New York Jets gave up there 2nd round pick and 4th round pick to the Green Bay Packers for the 30th pick overall.

And now to judge the mock drafters:

Rick Gosselin of the Dallas Morning News:
Correct picks - He got 9 picks (Jake and Chris Long, Darren McFadden, Vernon Gholston, Sedrick Ellis, Ryan Clady, Felix Jones, Kentwan Balmer and Dustin Keller)
I'm going to dock him 3 points each for when he correctly predicted the slot a player would be taken but when a trade occured (Like Ellis and Keller)
I'm also going to give him 8 points because in his mock draft he had Carolina taking Jeff Otah with there 1st pick, they ended up trading back into the 1st round and taking Otah.

Players taken within 3 picks - He got 6 of these (Glenn Dorsey, Derrick Harvey, Leodis Mckelvin, Branden Albert, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Aqib Talib)

Players within 10 picks - He got 7 (Matt Ryan, Chris Williams, Mike Jenkins, Johnathan Stewart, Gosder Cherilus, Keith Rivers and Rashard Mendenhall)

And his total points are: 136


Mel Kiper's mock draft (allegedly)

Correct picks - Surprisingly he got 9 picks despite him screwing with the top of the draft (Chris and Jake, Ellis, Rivers, Stewart, C. Williams, Jeff Otah, Aqib Talib, F. Jones)
I'm going to dock him 3 pts. each again for Ellis and Otah because he was picking for the slot not anticipating a trade.

Within 3 picks - He got 7 (Gholston, Dorsey, McFadden, Harvey, McKelvin, Branden Albert and Antoine Cason)

Within 10 picks - He got 7 (Ryan, Jerod Mayo, Mike Jenkins, Rashard Mendenhall, Clady, Rodgers-Cromartie, Kentwan Balmer)

Total Score is: 133

Kiper killed in the middle picks but was way to cute in the top 6 players, he was dumb for thinking Oakland would take anyone but McFadden (only other player they would have considered was Chris Long) He was also terrible in the last 9 picks, not even picking 1 player correctly.

Mike Mayock of NFL Network

Correct picks - He got 11 including 10 of the 1st 14 picks (He got the 1st 6 guys right and the rest he got right was Johnathan Stewart, Clady, C. Williams, McKelvin, F. Jones)
I'll also give him 8 points for giving the Saints Sedrick Ellis though they traded up for him.
I'll give him another 8 points for having Washington pick Devin Thomas because they did take him with there 1st pick.

Within 3 picks - He got 6 (Rivers, Derrick Harvey, Jeff Otah, Gosder Cherilus, K. Balmer and Antoine Cason)

Within 10 picks - He got 5 (J. Mayo, Mendenhall, Mike Jenkins, Dustin Keller, Albert)

Total Score: 166
This is a great score by Mayock but he also most likely has more resources then anyone else and I believe he published his later then anyone elses therefore was able to know and alter his mock draft having Atlanta take Matt Ryan over Glenn Dorsey thus making his draft a little easier.

Scott Wright from nfldraftcountdown.com

Correct Picks - 7 (Jake Long, Ryan, McFadden, Ellis, K. Rivers, J. Stewart and F. Jones)
I'm going to give him the full 10 points for Sedrick Ellis because he had the Saints not only taking him but trading up, he was just 1 spot off.
I'll give him 8 points for having the Cowboys take Felix Jones but in the wrong slot.
And I'll give 7 points for having the Jaguars take Quentin Groves because they did take him in the 2nd round.

Within 3 picks - 10 (Dorsey, Gholston, McKelvin, D. Harvey, Vernon Gholston, Albert, Otah, Clady, Aqib Talib, Duane Brown and Kenny Phillips) Wright was also off by 1 pick on 4 of these players

Within 10 picks - 7 (C. Long, J. Mayo, Mendenhall, K. Balmer, Gosder Cherilus, Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and Chris Williams)

Total Score: 139

He got to cute on his draft or else he could have scored even higher.

Jeff Risdon of realgm.com

Correct Picks - 7 (The Long Twins, Mcfadden, Clady, C. Williams, D. Rodgers-Cromartie and Felix Jones)

Within 3 picks - 10 (Dorsey, Gholston, Matt Ryan, Mckelvin, Sedrick Ellis, K. Rivers, J. Stewart, Jeff Otah, Mendenhall and Antoine Cason)

Within 10 picks - 5 (B. Albert, Sam Baker, Gosder Cherilus, Mike Jenkins and Derrick Harvey)

Total Score: 130, somebody had to finish last, though you weren't far behind


And the winner running away with the championship trophy is:
Mike Mayock - 166
Scott Wright - 139
Rick Gosselin - 136
Mel Kiper Jr. - 133
Jeff Risdon - 130

I'll chime in with my thoughts on the draft later, but for now this took a while.

Male genitalia is ruining movies!

So I'm out tonight going to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall excited for the movie, and though I did enjoy the movie as Judd Apatow has struck comedic gold yet again. The one thing that bothered me though was that I had to see the star of the movie Jason Segel's dick about 5 times!

It was about a split second each time it was shown but it was something that was unexpected. You literally could have billed the cast as Jason Segel, Kristen Bell as Sarah Marshall, Mila Kunis, Bill Hader...and INTRODUCING Jason Segel's PENIS!!!

Just judging from the movies I've seen from 2007 to now here are the following movies that have had nudity: Grindhouse, Walk Hard, Into the Wild, the Heartbreak Kid, Knocked up, 300, The Simpsons Movie (albeit brief) and the aforementioned Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

What's the problem with this list? There's 8 movies up there with nudity in them and 4 of them have a scene where you see a dick in them (FGM, Into the Wild, Walk Hard for about a minute, and you get to see Bart Simpsons weiner) There should never be a 1:1 ratio for male to female nudity in the movies (and I'm not even counting when you see a hung over Seth Rogen's ass in Knocked up)

I'm by no means a homophobe but I'm sure most would agree that the male body is disgusting, particularly when staring at a shriveled up weiner that is attractive to NOBODY! And in FGM Walk Hard and Into the Wild that's all it is shriveled up weiner shown to depict the male body in its normal form, but it's not art it's repulsive!

But women's bodies on the other hand, they have gorgeous figures and there bodies aren't shown off near as much as they used to in movies (nudity wise). And I'm not even saying to show a boob or ass just to show it but they hardly even have any real passionate and intense love scenes in movies anymore. Atonement I'm sure had some scenes like that in there but that movie bored me for the most part (mind you i was half paying attention while focusing on a video game, it's not like I'm unable to appreciate movies like that)

The main reason Judd Apatow and his people added it in his movies (he was apart of FGM and Walk Hard) is for shock value, the same reason he and Seth Rogen wrote in the penis montage in the movie Superbad. I can understand it for shock value but show it once and get it over with, after that it just gets awkward and by the end of the scene it just got annoying. I do give them credit for not just using shock value but making it funny but at what point does it become stale and overplayed?

Judd Apatow on one movie website said he will try to get a penis in every one of his movies, and the last 2 he's came out with he's yet to disappoint, so look out for when the Pineapple Express comes out James Franco and/or Seth Rogen's penis's are comin' to a theatre near you.

He also jokingly added this in the inerview he gave (that can be read here: http://www.movieweb.com/news/10/27310.php ) "That will be my Oscar montage. When I am seventy, and I get an Oscar for my humanitarian work, my on-screen montage will be a clip reel featuring all of the different parts of the human body that I wasn't afraid to show."

One last snippet from the interview that Apatow said, "I think it is funny that anybody is embarrassed by anything having to do with the naked human body. It just really makes me laugh. These are such conservative times. That Janet Jackson showing her nipple made people flip out is crazy to me. Like anybody would be emotionally crippled by the sight of a nipple. When we make these movies, if it is appropriate, it really makes me laugh to go far in that direction. It is my personal flipping of the bird to that type of fear and shame. We shouldn't be afraid of the human form."

And to this I completely agree, this nation as a whole has always been interested in sex because to us it will always be taboo. But sex sells and good looks can get you far especially in the entertainment industry but when a situation like a Janet Jackson incident happens or someone says something inappopriate we almost seem to lose the right of free speech we revert back to conservatism and everything is blown way out proportion like the Imus situation. And as for Janet we didn't even see her nipple. And that one nipple changed FCC regulations forever and ruined Howard Stern's career on regular radio, it's not like he just sprung up overnight he'd been doing the same schtick for over 25 years.

So to wrap this up it's time to put a stop to penises in movies unless it's guaranteed comedic gold because we all know boobs are a million times better then weiners. And as we are getting rid of the male genitalia it's time to start a movement to bring back more female nudity because a beautiful female that wasn't afraid to show off her body never hurt anybody (unless you got a case of blue balls)

Springsteen live!...

Well this past Sunday I had the privilege of working at the Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band concert, I was excited and hoping to be amazed. What I got was a decent show, but when I think about it, it's what I should have expected given I didn't know hardly any of his songs and have a hard time understanding half the time they're singing there songs, especially Springsteen. Half the entertainment I got was from the people at the concert and observing them and there actions.


The setup for the concert was a basic stage with each band member (there were 9 in all, including Bruce) having there own little section to perform and the seats on the floor were general admission, 1st come 1st serve standing room only. There were also large video screens on both side of the stage for the people farther away. I think one of the best jobs I saw (even better then mine where I get paid to usher at concerts, Mavs and Stars games) was every song Bruce would switch guitars and he had a guy hand him a different one switching between like 3 different guitars, I'm sure he does something else but that guy has got it made. He probably gets laid just because he strums on Bruce's guitar strings (if you get my drift)


One thing I have to give credit to Bruce is he pours his soul into these performances, he brings so much energy and passion to his show and I think that's what most people like, that and the fact that he doesn't always stick to his set list and performs songs from his whole catalogue and not just the hits. Sure he did play Born to Run and his latest track that had some radio succes 'Radio Nowhere' but he didn't play Born in the USA which I thought he'd close with that or Born to Run. Instead he ended the show with this Irish type song that was meant to be an homage to the Irish punk band the Pogues called 'American Land' That was probably my favorite song of the night aside from when he played Born to Run and Radio Nowhere.



There were things that did bother me though or that I noticed, I don't think the entire time Bruce was singing his eyes were open, I can understand it especially when he's singing a slow song but I swear his eyes weren't open the whole show. Also on the video screen I think the people working the video boards were afraid to cut away from Bruce, if Bruce was singing they'd show saxophonist Clarence Clemons or drummer Max Weinberg (yes from the Conan O'brien show) for a couple seconds but right when they'd show them they'd go right back to Bruce. And I know Bruce isn't egotistical so I don't know what was up with that but I'd like to see the rest of the band perform for more then a split second. And then there was the issue I had with Bruce and lead guitarist Steve Van Zandt sharing the same microphone everytime they had to sing together when he had a perfectly good one for himself. It was just odd with Bruce practically making out with the mic and Steve looking to get in on that action.



I think the funniest part of the night was when they were finishing up a song and he's sweating and appears to be out of breath and belts out this lameass speech how this country needs a change from the past 8 years. He sounded like he was pouring his heart out, looking down at the ground looking like maybe a tear could fall from his face as he was almost at a loss of words and overcome with emotion. During the speech it was pitch black in the arena with a blue spotlight on Bruce which only made it better. Perhaps you had to hear it but I found it laughable despite how serious he was about it (I'm by no means a Bush supporter I couldnt careless, but find it funny when people go on a political speech like this and it sounds like this) But I should've expected this after just reading his Wikipedia.



Working at concerts like this or Van Halen I've noticed that any and all people are welcome to old school type bands who have been around for the past 25-35 years. I saw guys who had tatoos all over there necks with hair spiked half a foot in the air and then I saw 8 year olds trying to get a grasp on the music that there parents loved and grew up with. This wasn't as white trash as Van Halen and more upscale. What I think everyone that goes to concerts can agree on is the absurdity of the souvenir prices, I expect them to be completely overpriced but Springsteen's prices were the worst of the bunch, I think the cheapest was $35 and they had one t-shirt priced at 90 freaking dollars, simply because it was from a tour in 1992-93, what kind of reasoning is that? Of course you can find the majority of these shirts online for a helluva lot cheaper.



Back to my thoughts on the people there, the thing that pissed me off the most was this group of 10 year old girls who were all dressed up with makeup and short miniskirts and even one had a strapless shirt on. They truly looked like whores in training (you could use the term groupies, but whores is much more truthful) perhaps I sound like an old man but I couldn't imagine letting my daughter go out like that, let alone one that's not even in middle school. And then maybe the worst part of it was they had front row seats and got to go on stage for a song with Bruce, what a load of crap. It's bad enough they had to goto a concert looking like a bunch of sluts but then they get rewarded for it? That shouldn't happen til at least there early 20's where they suck the life out of some rich guy (*laugh track*)



I also saw this mother/daughter combo going to there seats, they looked exactly alike except the mom was probably 25 years older and fatter and I'm sure was more "seasoned" The daughter was good looking but what I hate when I see girls today is these fake tans that leave the girls looking orange and when they look like they're wearing 3 pounds of makeup. I'm not suggesting that you have to wear no makeup (though if you can pull it off, do it) but it just looks unattractive when there is a huge glare or shine on your forehead from all the makeup you wear. The mom looked the exact same as her though (another example of whores in training, we'll call it WHIT. Having the abreviation WIT would be to complimentary, as they don't have a shred of wit in there body)



The best story I heard from another usher at last night's concert was these 2 women were wanting sit closer then where there seats were located, the guy was skeptical at first until he said the lady took his face and shoved it in her boobs for a couple seconds. Lo and behold, she got closer seats, aren't boobs wonderful. Not sure how I'd react to that, for one I'd be so overcome with joy that'd I'd space out for a second and try and let that moment sink in, and then scramble to find them some closer seats. What would you do if you couldn't find any open seats though (my section was full all night, even the last rows in the house) I'd probably look at the women dumbfounded saying "Der, uhh sorry m'am but I can't find any open seats" And then there'd be an awkward pause where she realizes that I got a free show for nothing before I ask for another motorboat.

But it's just fun watching how people react to the music they're hearing, you'll see some people who just sit there the whole time just letting it sink in then some people feel the need to stand the whole time and really shake every limb in there body as they attempt to maintain some sort of rhythm. It was fun looking at some people that had floor seats, people on the outside particularly with room to move, there was this one woman who was going crazy and felt the need to keep spinning and twirling with her friend to every song. Then the reaction when Bruce decided to play his favorite song was as if he just won the Superbowl as he gives this huge fist pump and does some punches in the air.

I wonder if Bruce ever hates his name, because having a name like Bruce means if you're a star player or rockstar they chant Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce everywhere you go. I think it'd be cool to have something like that, like Darryl "Moose" Johnston would get that chant every time he touched the ball or Luke Walton for the Lakers. I wonder if Bruce was ever just booed loudly and he didnt pick up on it because of his name. Like one night it was real brutal and the band was a note behind and real worn out and the energy just wasnt there and the crowds just laying it on them but in his mind he's like, "Man these guys really love me"

All in all it was a good night, since I worked there I had to keep watching for people with cameras because the building felt like that was going to be the thing to harp on tonight. Thankfully I didn't have a problem with that or people coming up to me about people smoking. It's a freaking concert, you should embrace the smoke whether or not it's indoors. But I'd suggest to know some of his music beforehand to really enjoy it. Plus it might be easier to understand what the hell he was saying.

Rangers offseason

Well 2 days into the new baseball season for the Rangers I guess it's time to write up my thoughts on the Rangers offseason review.





Overall I think they had a good off season, there weren't many big time free agents and Jon Daniels signed a bunch of low risk contracts where if they sucked or were a problem it was no big deal because they were only going to be here for a year or less. The team didn't go out and overpay for Torii Hunter which I was fine with and I think Josh Hamilton will be a better centerfielder then him anyways. There weren't any standout pitchers that were free agents, the only huge contract for a starting pitcher I saw was Carlos Silva getting 48 million over 4 years from the Mariners. I think he'll be a decent fit in that ballpark.


Additions:

Josh Hamilton, Milton Bradley, Jason Jennings, Ben Broussard, Eddie Guardado, Kazuo Fukumori, Dustin Nippert and Kevin Mench (currently in AAA). Recently released John Patterson was picked up by the Rangers but right now all plans point to him rehabbing and if healthy could help the rotation.



Losses: Edinson Volquez, Brad Wilkerson, Sammy Sosa, Jerry Hairston and it looks like the club will loseRobinson Tejeda soon since he was designated for assignment. If they aren't claimed or traded then he'll likely be forced back to AAA.



Perhaps the best news of the off season was that A-Rod opting out of his current deal let Texas off the hook for 21 million dollars that would've been owed to Rodriguez. Perhaps we'll spend it when a worthwhile free agent comes around here (unlike Torii Hunter which we stupidly offered $15 million per year over 5 years, thankfully the Angels were dumber and gave him 18 per year)

To continue on my Torii Hunter diatribe, I hope he ends up being a complete bust (which he most likely will as he gets older) He resides in Dallas and he gave some lameass answer that he didn't want to sign with the Rangers because his son said kids at his school would make fun of him for his dad being a Ranger. Torii your son sounds like a huge pansy with no self esteem or friends, though he's probably set for life with your money. He's also probably gay and wets himself, when he comes out you will not know how to handle it and most likely abandon him. It's ok better that he didn't sign with us because he doesn't get on base enough and his power and defense will only get worse and worse and this signing might end up being dumber then the Gary Matthews Jr. signing from the year before. It's weird how the Angels could be such a well run organization and the make 2 moronic signings 2 straight years from guys who play the same position. I don't get why they held on to all these stud prospects they had when they aren't going to see the field behind older vets like Garrett Anderson or Darrin Erstad (I'm aware he's no longer with them)

But this is the 2nd straight year the Rangers have tried to sign a guy for huge money who is merely an abover average player. And while I do love Jon Daniels and the direction he's going with the franchise I'm a little concerned that he and Tom Hicks have tried to sign Hunter and Barry Zito to long term deals when there best years are in there rearview mirror. Hunter I can sort of understand since he lives in the metroplex but Zito isn't an ace type pitcher but a #2 or #3 on a contender, and those type of pitchers never ever deserve a contract longer then 4 years (Just ask the teams that signed Mike Hampton, Denny Neagle, *gulp* Chan Ho Park and Darren Dreifort)

The next thing I want to get to is the Josh Hamilton trade. This trade could become the trade that makes or breaks Jon Daniels and could possibly cost him his job. We traded Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez for what turned out to be a bust in Adam Eaton. But I will never back down from my belief that Young would be this good in Texas, that park in San Diego does wonder for a pitcher, especially a fly ball pitcher like Young.

Then there's the John Danks and Nick Masset for Brandon McCarthy trade. A trade I was in favor with at the time but McCarthy can never stay healthy and won't be back with the team until May 29th AT THE EARLIEST! Some people are wearing thin on Daniels unloading homegrown guys for others peoples property. Mainly the morons like Randy Galloway who is all shtick and no substance and just looks on the surface, why Daniels still talks to him after calling him publicly to be fired I have no idea, just shows the kind of stand up guy he is and isn't afraid of media pressure unlike our last GM who lived in a cave when he wasn't playing at Dallas's finest golf courses.

Anways I think the Edinson Volquez for Josh Hamilton trade could work out for both parties. As bad as the Rangers pitching woes are perceived to be, we've never had a consistently great centerfielder. Gary Matthews Jr. 2006 season might have been the Rangers best season of the last 30 years at centerfield. But Hamilton for the time being will change things. The guy coming out of high school was projected to be the next Griffey or ARod and what it sounds like, he could have been them, he can hit for average and power, take a walk, has a cannon is fast and can cover all sorts of ground in the outfield, a prototypical outfield in the Mickey Mantle mold. And now that he's done doing crack or cocaine he's ready to start living up to his potential. He flashed some of it last year and there's no reason to think he won't get better, the only thing slowing him down will be injuries. As for Volquez as long as his control is good and he can keep his walks down and flyballs (because the Reds ballpark is also an extreme hitters park) he can seriously be a legit ace and I'm not exaggerating his changeup is absolutely filthy just like Pedro Martinez (which is why he was given the nickname little Pedro some years back because of the devastating changeup.)

I've watched 5 games of Josh Hamilton and have already fallen in love with his game, and normally I hate seeing opposing teams win trades with the Rangers but I wouldn't care if both of these players turning into stars.

My 2nd favorite move of the off season is the signing of Milton Bradley, this guy has won and succeeded wherever he's gone, a good defensive outfielder who has a good On base percentage and has good pop in his bat. His problem is his temper obviously and his inability to stay healthy, only playing more then 100 games twice and 96 games or more 4 times and one of the times of over 100 games was just 101 games. He's been around Ron Washington before and if it works out this year I'd really like to resign him even if we do suck this year he'd be a piece I'd keep and build with. The last couple years I've really been impressed with his ability to work the count and take walks, the last 5 years he's had an OBP or .402, .370, .352, .370 and .362. Of the Rangers with at least 275 AB's last year only Ian Kinsler, Michael Young, Marlon Byrd, Kenny Lofton and Mark Teixeira had higher then a .350 OBP (and the last 2 were traded)


As for the rest of the acquisitions:

Ben Broussard - He's just warming up the seat for future 1st baseman Chris Davis who's currently in AA and looks to be possibly promoted to triple A soon if he continues his tear from last year. Decent signing if the Rangers think Davis is ready around the trade deadline they might trade this guy for a decent prospect. Has looked OK on offense with 2 Hr's including a Grand Slam today. The better Ron Washington finds out he can't hit left handers the better, he looked awful on Opening Day.

Kazuo Fukumori - was perfect all spring and had a shaky debut with 2 "wild pitches" but they both looked like catcher Gerald Laird could've done a better job at blocking the balls. Looked to be in much better control tonight vs. the Angels, but he was pitching with a 6-0 lead, I want to be able to count on this guy in pressure situations and once he gets situated I think we will.

"Everyday" Eddie Guardado - maybe making Eddie pitch everday wasn't such a good idea because it nearly killed his career. He's 37 and he'll be the lefty out of the bullpen and setup man with Joaquin Benoit. Nice cheap signing and if we're out of it and he's succeeding in the bullpen we'll be able to receive a pretty decent package for him because relievers are always at there peak value near the trade deadline.

While we're on the subject of trading relievers I love the Eric Gagne trade more everyday. David Murphy looks better and better everytime I see him and has some real gap power and Gabbard shutout the Angels for 7 innings tonight. And if 17 year old CF Engel Beltre blossoms into what one scout said possibly the next Griffey this could be one of the most one sided trade of the last 10 years.

Jason Jennings - The Astros sure did sell the farm last year to bring this Baylor product back to Texas and boy did he flop. He was hurt all year and tried to pitch through it and it didn't work. Now again another cheap signing by Jon Daniels that can't hurt us because if he flops it's only 1 year so theres no loss. He looked OK from the little I saw Wednesday, he just made 2 mistakes, and they resulted in a solo and 3 run homer. Again could be trade bait or if he works out may resign with us for cheap since he is a Mesquite product.

Dustin Nippert - He was gonna be waived by the DBacks and we gave up a piece of crap for him, no biggie if he sucks Robinson Tejeda was in the same situation. After seeing him pitch tonight, unless he gains confidence overnight I'd rather see Scott Feldman pitch and that's saying alot because I hate Scott Feldman. He came in with an 11-0 lead and couldn't get 3 outs to close the game. The Rangers caught the ball on the warning track to win 11-6 (The homerun would have made it 11-9)

Couple other thoughts from the 1st 4 games and mainly some gripes from the 1st 2 games. This team needs to fix it's infield defense and fast, 4 errors by Michael Young and Ian Kinsler and 3 wild pitches that partly cost us the game on Opening day and nearly cost us the next day had it not been for Josh Hamilton's heroics in the 9th inning off JJ Putz. Did I mention I love the guy? He made 2 fantastic defensive plays in Seattle including running down a ball that probably about 3 other guys in the league could run down.

One has to wonder when the Rangers starting rotation will start to let up but so far the look damn impressive.

I'm going to guess a .500 year for this club and that will hopefull be progress, no one expect this team to contend and with the Angels sudden injuries and the Mariners lack of offense there's a slim shot we make the playoffs if nearly everything goes right for us. But I'm just looking for development of young talent in the minors, seeing guys like Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton take the next step and establish themselves as top players at there positions and maybe see Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Eric Hurley and Chris Davis come up sometime after the All Star break and hold there own against major leaguers.

Sports Depression Moment 13098

Sunday afternoon a hard fought game vs. the Spurs and Ime Udoka is on a fast break as Dirk is chasing him down. He blocks the shot and then season over. His knee just sort of buckles as it goes away from his body. He just laid there motionless and you knew from the second it happened it was bad. The crowd just laid there motionless, you could hear a pin drop as everyone in the building even the Spurs fans just sat there sort of in a state of shock.

It was pretty obvious who was going to win that game from there on out, the Mavs had blown a 12 point lead thanks Avery's "stellar offense" and then Dirk goes down.

http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=3309429

The above was written on Monday the day after the Dirk injury, it's now Friday because I always get lazy to write these things.

Anyways I'm still unsure on if the Mavericks will make the playoffs or if I even want them too. If we miss the playoffs we get a 1st round pick since the one we traded this year is lottery protected and there is some real talent this year that could fall to our pick. On the other hand the amount of close games the Mavericks have played against top teams makes me think they can hang with any team in the league, maybe not win but give some teams some real problems and go to 6 or 7 games.

All I can say is I think it's almost safe to say that the Jason Kidd trade was a failure, there's only 2 reasons it could be considered a good trade, Erick Dampier and Dirk Nowitzki. Dampier is playing the best basketball of his Maverick career (maybe entire career) and has taken advantage of the extended playing time and has done a good job staying out of foul trouble, he's looked real motivated. As for Dirk, he looked like he's in another zone since the trade, he was still playing top basketball for the most part prior to the Kidd trade but his field goal and 3 pt. % have raised as has his Points per game. And then you see the intensity in his eyes it reminds me of when he carried the Mavs to the Finals 2 seasons ago.

The problem is just about everything else has made the trade look like a failure. I thought it was a panic trade from the time it was made just because the Mavs had lost 4 of 5, all without Devin Harris and they were really just reacting to the Shaq and Pau Gasol trades. Jason Kidd and Avery Johnson's styles of play are polar opposites, Jason Kidd is best used when in transition where Avery loves to play isolation with Dirk, Josh Howard and Jerry Stackhouse. And of course I have to mention not beatin a team over .500 since February 13th. And then there's the 2 1st rounders we gave up (It's weird how everyone thought it was crazy to make this years pick lottery protected and the 2010 pick unprotected but now it's looking like a half decent move, but what if we decided to rebuild? That pick could set us back assuming we blew it up.) This team would have been so much better off trying to find a decent 2 guard like Mike Miller or Corey Maggette then they ever would have been trading for Kidd if you ask me.

I always wonder why I hear experts say we didn't have a chance to win a title this year so the Kidd trade wasn't bad at the time. I wonder how many of these "experts" knew that we were 28-11 when Devin Harris was in the lineup.

I'm going to guess as of right now we aren't going to make the playoffs, it really just depends on if Dirk comes back soon and we somehow manage to beat some teams vying for playoff spots. And Dirk may be back sooner then expected because earlier this week he was in a boot and has already removed it and started doing underwater exercises.

But this next stretch of games is just brutal, we have enough trouble scoring but now we have to play Golden St. twice in the next 3 games, Phoenix and the Lakers, and tonight we just lost the season series with Denver as our defense got torched and they now have a tie breaker over us. If we can win 1 game vs. the Warriors we'll have take the season series versus them.

And speaking of the Denver game I just love how we can hang 70 on a team and then score 35 points in the 2nd half, the end result may look Ok (though we were still beat handily) scoring wise but how we got there makes it seem totally different. Them scoring 70 and then 35 in both halves reminded me of on Tuesday when they played the Clippers for the 1st game without Dirk and they scored 22 points in the 1st 5 minutes of the game and over the next 12 minutes scored 11. It's pathetic how inconsistent we are.

Also I'm curious what will happen if we miss the playoffs this season, I'm thinking Avery Johnson is gone regardless of us making the playoffs, unless we make it past the 1st round. Donnie Nelson (Mavericks GM son of Don Nelson) may be on his way out but I've always loved his ability to find diamonds in the rough in the draft and in free agency (Josh Howard, Brandon Bass, Desagana Diop) I just think this team would be better off missing the playoffs and picking either a 2 guard or future PG or a center like Hakeem Thabeet or Roy Hibbert. And though he'll go in the late 1st round I've always loved Brandon Rush's game but for some reason he isn't viewed that highly for the next level. Before the season Kevin Love was projected to be a surefire top 10 pick then slipped to the middle of the 1st round and now with his great tournament run at UCLA continuing it appears he'll be going before the Mavs will have picked (assuming they miss the playoffs and all but likely losing the lottery they'll be picking 14th) I also wouldn't be shocked to see Jason Terry traded but his value is very low I'd imagine. Maybe trade Josh Howard and try to get a better 2nd scorer but I wouldn't have a clue off the top of my head. Also maybe by some miracle we can actually sign a half decent guy for our Mid Level Exception. I'm curious what a player like Ron Artest would fetch on the open market, he's certainly worth more then the 6 million the MLE is but you have to factor in the personality and possible locker room cancer.

O well until next time I'll just be soaking in my sports depression