Male genitalia is ruining movies!

So I'm out tonight going to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall excited for the movie, and though I did enjoy the movie as Judd Apatow has struck comedic gold yet again. The one thing that bothered me though was that I had to see the star of the movie Jason Segel's dick about 5 times!

It was about a split second each time it was shown but it was something that was unexpected. You literally could have billed the cast as Jason Segel, Kristen Bell as Sarah Marshall, Mila Kunis, Bill Hader...and INTRODUCING Jason Segel's PENIS!!!

Just judging from the movies I've seen from 2007 to now here are the following movies that have had nudity: Grindhouse, Walk Hard, Into the Wild, the Heartbreak Kid, Knocked up, 300, The Simpsons Movie (albeit brief) and the aforementioned Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

What's the problem with this list? There's 8 movies up there with nudity in them and 4 of them have a scene where you see a dick in them (FGM, Into the Wild, Walk Hard for about a minute, and you get to see Bart Simpsons weiner) There should never be a 1:1 ratio for male to female nudity in the movies (and I'm not even counting when you see a hung over Seth Rogen's ass in Knocked up)

I'm by no means a homophobe but I'm sure most would agree that the male body is disgusting, particularly when staring at a shriveled up weiner that is attractive to NOBODY! And in FGM Walk Hard and Into the Wild that's all it is shriveled up weiner shown to depict the male body in its normal form, but it's not art it's repulsive!

But women's bodies on the other hand, they have gorgeous figures and there bodies aren't shown off near as much as they used to in movies (nudity wise). And I'm not even saying to show a boob or ass just to show it but they hardly even have any real passionate and intense love scenes in movies anymore. Atonement I'm sure had some scenes like that in there but that movie bored me for the most part (mind you i was half paying attention while focusing on a video game, it's not like I'm unable to appreciate movies like that)

The main reason Judd Apatow and his people added it in his movies (he was apart of FGM and Walk Hard) is for shock value, the same reason he and Seth Rogen wrote in the penis montage in the movie Superbad. I can understand it for shock value but show it once and get it over with, after that it just gets awkward and by the end of the scene it just got annoying. I do give them credit for not just using shock value but making it funny but at what point does it become stale and overplayed?

Judd Apatow on one movie website said he will try to get a penis in every one of his movies, and the last 2 he's came out with he's yet to disappoint, so look out for when the Pineapple Express comes out James Franco and/or Seth Rogen's penis's are comin' to a theatre near you.

He also jokingly added this in the inerview he gave (that can be read here: http://www.movieweb.com/news/10/27310.php ) "That will be my Oscar montage. When I am seventy, and I get an Oscar for my humanitarian work, my on-screen montage will be a clip reel featuring all of the different parts of the human body that I wasn't afraid to show."

One last snippet from the interview that Apatow said, "I think it is funny that anybody is embarrassed by anything having to do with the naked human body. It just really makes me laugh. These are such conservative times. That Janet Jackson showing her nipple made people flip out is crazy to me. Like anybody would be emotionally crippled by the sight of a nipple. When we make these movies, if it is appropriate, it really makes me laugh to go far in that direction. It is my personal flipping of the bird to that type of fear and shame. We shouldn't be afraid of the human form."

And to this I completely agree, this nation as a whole has always been interested in sex because to us it will always be taboo. But sex sells and good looks can get you far especially in the entertainment industry but when a situation like a Janet Jackson incident happens or someone says something inappopriate we almost seem to lose the right of free speech we revert back to conservatism and everything is blown way out proportion like the Imus situation. And as for Janet we didn't even see her nipple. And that one nipple changed FCC regulations forever and ruined Howard Stern's career on regular radio, it's not like he just sprung up overnight he'd been doing the same schtick for over 25 years.

So to wrap this up it's time to put a stop to penises in movies unless it's guaranteed comedic gold because we all know boobs are a million times better then weiners. And as we are getting rid of the male genitalia it's time to start a movement to bring back more female nudity because a beautiful female that wasn't afraid to show off her body never hurt anybody (unless you got a case of blue balls)

Springsteen live!...

Well this past Sunday I had the privilege of working at the Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band concert, I was excited and hoping to be amazed. What I got was a decent show, but when I think about it, it's what I should have expected given I didn't know hardly any of his songs and have a hard time understanding half the time they're singing there songs, especially Springsteen. Half the entertainment I got was from the people at the concert and observing them and there actions.


The setup for the concert was a basic stage with each band member (there were 9 in all, including Bruce) having there own little section to perform and the seats on the floor were general admission, 1st come 1st serve standing room only. There were also large video screens on both side of the stage for the people farther away. I think one of the best jobs I saw (even better then mine where I get paid to usher at concerts, Mavs and Stars games) was every song Bruce would switch guitars and he had a guy hand him a different one switching between like 3 different guitars, I'm sure he does something else but that guy has got it made. He probably gets laid just because he strums on Bruce's guitar strings (if you get my drift)


One thing I have to give credit to Bruce is he pours his soul into these performances, he brings so much energy and passion to his show and I think that's what most people like, that and the fact that he doesn't always stick to his set list and performs songs from his whole catalogue and not just the hits. Sure he did play Born to Run and his latest track that had some radio succes 'Radio Nowhere' but he didn't play Born in the USA which I thought he'd close with that or Born to Run. Instead he ended the show with this Irish type song that was meant to be an homage to the Irish punk band the Pogues called 'American Land' That was probably my favorite song of the night aside from when he played Born to Run and Radio Nowhere.



There were things that did bother me though or that I noticed, I don't think the entire time Bruce was singing his eyes were open, I can understand it especially when he's singing a slow song but I swear his eyes weren't open the whole show. Also on the video screen I think the people working the video boards were afraid to cut away from Bruce, if Bruce was singing they'd show saxophonist Clarence Clemons or drummer Max Weinberg (yes from the Conan O'brien show) for a couple seconds but right when they'd show them they'd go right back to Bruce. And I know Bruce isn't egotistical so I don't know what was up with that but I'd like to see the rest of the band perform for more then a split second. And then there was the issue I had with Bruce and lead guitarist Steve Van Zandt sharing the same microphone everytime they had to sing together when he had a perfectly good one for himself. It was just odd with Bruce practically making out with the mic and Steve looking to get in on that action.



I think the funniest part of the night was when they were finishing up a song and he's sweating and appears to be out of breath and belts out this lameass speech how this country needs a change from the past 8 years. He sounded like he was pouring his heart out, looking down at the ground looking like maybe a tear could fall from his face as he was almost at a loss of words and overcome with emotion. During the speech it was pitch black in the arena with a blue spotlight on Bruce which only made it better. Perhaps you had to hear it but I found it laughable despite how serious he was about it (I'm by no means a Bush supporter I couldnt careless, but find it funny when people go on a political speech like this and it sounds like this) But I should've expected this after just reading his Wikipedia.



Working at concerts like this or Van Halen I've noticed that any and all people are welcome to old school type bands who have been around for the past 25-35 years. I saw guys who had tatoos all over there necks with hair spiked half a foot in the air and then I saw 8 year olds trying to get a grasp on the music that there parents loved and grew up with. This wasn't as white trash as Van Halen and more upscale. What I think everyone that goes to concerts can agree on is the absurdity of the souvenir prices, I expect them to be completely overpriced but Springsteen's prices were the worst of the bunch, I think the cheapest was $35 and they had one t-shirt priced at 90 freaking dollars, simply because it was from a tour in 1992-93, what kind of reasoning is that? Of course you can find the majority of these shirts online for a helluva lot cheaper.



Back to my thoughts on the people there, the thing that pissed me off the most was this group of 10 year old girls who were all dressed up with makeup and short miniskirts and even one had a strapless shirt on. They truly looked like whores in training (you could use the term groupies, but whores is much more truthful) perhaps I sound like an old man but I couldn't imagine letting my daughter go out like that, let alone one that's not even in middle school. And then maybe the worst part of it was they had front row seats and got to go on stage for a song with Bruce, what a load of crap. It's bad enough they had to goto a concert looking like a bunch of sluts but then they get rewarded for it? That shouldn't happen til at least there early 20's where they suck the life out of some rich guy (*laugh track*)



I also saw this mother/daughter combo going to there seats, they looked exactly alike except the mom was probably 25 years older and fatter and I'm sure was more "seasoned" The daughter was good looking but what I hate when I see girls today is these fake tans that leave the girls looking orange and when they look like they're wearing 3 pounds of makeup. I'm not suggesting that you have to wear no makeup (though if you can pull it off, do it) but it just looks unattractive when there is a huge glare or shine on your forehead from all the makeup you wear. The mom looked the exact same as her though (another example of whores in training, we'll call it WHIT. Having the abreviation WIT would be to complimentary, as they don't have a shred of wit in there body)



The best story I heard from another usher at last night's concert was these 2 women were wanting sit closer then where there seats were located, the guy was skeptical at first until he said the lady took his face and shoved it in her boobs for a couple seconds. Lo and behold, she got closer seats, aren't boobs wonderful. Not sure how I'd react to that, for one I'd be so overcome with joy that'd I'd space out for a second and try and let that moment sink in, and then scramble to find them some closer seats. What would you do if you couldn't find any open seats though (my section was full all night, even the last rows in the house) I'd probably look at the women dumbfounded saying "Der, uhh sorry m'am but I can't find any open seats" And then there'd be an awkward pause where she realizes that I got a free show for nothing before I ask for another motorboat.

But it's just fun watching how people react to the music they're hearing, you'll see some people who just sit there the whole time just letting it sink in then some people feel the need to stand the whole time and really shake every limb in there body as they attempt to maintain some sort of rhythm. It was fun looking at some people that had floor seats, people on the outside particularly with room to move, there was this one woman who was going crazy and felt the need to keep spinning and twirling with her friend to every song. Then the reaction when Bruce decided to play his favorite song was as if he just won the Superbowl as he gives this huge fist pump and does some punches in the air.

I wonder if Bruce ever hates his name, because having a name like Bruce means if you're a star player or rockstar they chant Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce everywhere you go. I think it'd be cool to have something like that, like Darryl "Moose" Johnston would get that chant every time he touched the ball or Luke Walton for the Lakers. I wonder if Bruce was ever just booed loudly and he didnt pick up on it because of his name. Like one night it was real brutal and the band was a note behind and real worn out and the energy just wasnt there and the crowds just laying it on them but in his mind he's like, "Man these guys really love me"

All in all it was a good night, since I worked there I had to keep watching for people with cameras because the building felt like that was going to be the thing to harp on tonight. Thankfully I didn't have a problem with that or people coming up to me about people smoking. It's a freaking concert, you should embrace the smoke whether or not it's indoors. But I'd suggest to know some of his music beforehand to really enjoy it. Plus it might be easier to understand what the hell he was saying.

Rangers offseason

Well 2 days into the new baseball season for the Rangers I guess it's time to write up my thoughts on the Rangers offseason review.





Overall I think they had a good off season, there weren't many big time free agents and Jon Daniels signed a bunch of low risk contracts where if they sucked or were a problem it was no big deal because they were only going to be here for a year or less. The team didn't go out and overpay for Torii Hunter which I was fine with and I think Josh Hamilton will be a better centerfielder then him anyways. There weren't any standout pitchers that were free agents, the only huge contract for a starting pitcher I saw was Carlos Silva getting 48 million over 4 years from the Mariners. I think he'll be a decent fit in that ballpark.


Additions:

Josh Hamilton, Milton Bradley, Jason Jennings, Ben Broussard, Eddie Guardado, Kazuo Fukumori, Dustin Nippert and Kevin Mench (currently in AAA). Recently released John Patterson was picked up by the Rangers but right now all plans point to him rehabbing and if healthy could help the rotation.



Losses: Edinson Volquez, Brad Wilkerson, Sammy Sosa, Jerry Hairston and it looks like the club will loseRobinson Tejeda soon since he was designated for assignment. If they aren't claimed or traded then he'll likely be forced back to AAA.



Perhaps the best news of the off season was that A-Rod opting out of his current deal let Texas off the hook for 21 million dollars that would've been owed to Rodriguez. Perhaps we'll spend it when a worthwhile free agent comes around here (unlike Torii Hunter which we stupidly offered $15 million per year over 5 years, thankfully the Angels were dumber and gave him 18 per year)

To continue on my Torii Hunter diatribe, I hope he ends up being a complete bust (which he most likely will as he gets older) He resides in Dallas and he gave some lameass answer that he didn't want to sign with the Rangers because his son said kids at his school would make fun of him for his dad being a Ranger. Torii your son sounds like a huge pansy with no self esteem or friends, though he's probably set for life with your money. He's also probably gay and wets himself, when he comes out you will not know how to handle it and most likely abandon him. It's ok better that he didn't sign with us because he doesn't get on base enough and his power and defense will only get worse and worse and this signing might end up being dumber then the Gary Matthews Jr. signing from the year before. It's weird how the Angels could be such a well run organization and the make 2 moronic signings 2 straight years from guys who play the same position. I don't get why they held on to all these stud prospects they had when they aren't going to see the field behind older vets like Garrett Anderson or Darrin Erstad (I'm aware he's no longer with them)

But this is the 2nd straight year the Rangers have tried to sign a guy for huge money who is merely an abover average player. And while I do love Jon Daniels and the direction he's going with the franchise I'm a little concerned that he and Tom Hicks have tried to sign Hunter and Barry Zito to long term deals when there best years are in there rearview mirror. Hunter I can sort of understand since he lives in the metroplex but Zito isn't an ace type pitcher but a #2 or #3 on a contender, and those type of pitchers never ever deserve a contract longer then 4 years (Just ask the teams that signed Mike Hampton, Denny Neagle, *gulp* Chan Ho Park and Darren Dreifort)

The next thing I want to get to is the Josh Hamilton trade. This trade could become the trade that makes or breaks Jon Daniels and could possibly cost him his job. We traded Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez for what turned out to be a bust in Adam Eaton. But I will never back down from my belief that Young would be this good in Texas, that park in San Diego does wonder for a pitcher, especially a fly ball pitcher like Young.

Then there's the John Danks and Nick Masset for Brandon McCarthy trade. A trade I was in favor with at the time but McCarthy can never stay healthy and won't be back with the team until May 29th AT THE EARLIEST! Some people are wearing thin on Daniels unloading homegrown guys for others peoples property. Mainly the morons like Randy Galloway who is all shtick and no substance and just looks on the surface, why Daniels still talks to him after calling him publicly to be fired I have no idea, just shows the kind of stand up guy he is and isn't afraid of media pressure unlike our last GM who lived in a cave when he wasn't playing at Dallas's finest golf courses.

Anways I think the Edinson Volquez for Josh Hamilton trade could work out for both parties. As bad as the Rangers pitching woes are perceived to be, we've never had a consistently great centerfielder. Gary Matthews Jr. 2006 season might have been the Rangers best season of the last 30 years at centerfield. But Hamilton for the time being will change things. The guy coming out of high school was projected to be the next Griffey or ARod and what it sounds like, he could have been them, he can hit for average and power, take a walk, has a cannon is fast and can cover all sorts of ground in the outfield, a prototypical outfield in the Mickey Mantle mold. And now that he's done doing crack or cocaine he's ready to start living up to his potential. He flashed some of it last year and there's no reason to think he won't get better, the only thing slowing him down will be injuries. As for Volquez as long as his control is good and he can keep his walks down and flyballs (because the Reds ballpark is also an extreme hitters park) he can seriously be a legit ace and I'm not exaggerating his changeup is absolutely filthy just like Pedro Martinez (which is why he was given the nickname little Pedro some years back because of the devastating changeup.)

I've watched 5 games of Josh Hamilton and have already fallen in love with his game, and normally I hate seeing opposing teams win trades with the Rangers but I wouldn't care if both of these players turning into stars.

My 2nd favorite move of the off season is the signing of Milton Bradley, this guy has won and succeeded wherever he's gone, a good defensive outfielder who has a good On base percentage and has good pop in his bat. His problem is his temper obviously and his inability to stay healthy, only playing more then 100 games twice and 96 games or more 4 times and one of the times of over 100 games was just 101 games. He's been around Ron Washington before and if it works out this year I'd really like to resign him even if we do suck this year he'd be a piece I'd keep and build with. The last couple years I've really been impressed with his ability to work the count and take walks, the last 5 years he's had an OBP or .402, .370, .352, .370 and .362. Of the Rangers with at least 275 AB's last year only Ian Kinsler, Michael Young, Marlon Byrd, Kenny Lofton and Mark Teixeira had higher then a .350 OBP (and the last 2 were traded)


As for the rest of the acquisitions:

Ben Broussard - He's just warming up the seat for future 1st baseman Chris Davis who's currently in AA and looks to be possibly promoted to triple A soon if he continues his tear from last year. Decent signing if the Rangers think Davis is ready around the trade deadline they might trade this guy for a decent prospect. Has looked OK on offense with 2 Hr's including a Grand Slam today. The better Ron Washington finds out he can't hit left handers the better, he looked awful on Opening Day.

Kazuo Fukumori - was perfect all spring and had a shaky debut with 2 "wild pitches" but they both looked like catcher Gerald Laird could've done a better job at blocking the balls. Looked to be in much better control tonight vs. the Angels, but he was pitching with a 6-0 lead, I want to be able to count on this guy in pressure situations and once he gets situated I think we will.

"Everyday" Eddie Guardado - maybe making Eddie pitch everday wasn't such a good idea because it nearly killed his career. He's 37 and he'll be the lefty out of the bullpen and setup man with Joaquin Benoit. Nice cheap signing and if we're out of it and he's succeeding in the bullpen we'll be able to receive a pretty decent package for him because relievers are always at there peak value near the trade deadline.

While we're on the subject of trading relievers I love the Eric Gagne trade more everyday. David Murphy looks better and better everytime I see him and has some real gap power and Gabbard shutout the Angels for 7 innings tonight. And if 17 year old CF Engel Beltre blossoms into what one scout said possibly the next Griffey this could be one of the most one sided trade of the last 10 years.

Jason Jennings - The Astros sure did sell the farm last year to bring this Baylor product back to Texas and boy did he flop. He was hurt all year and tried to pitch through it and it didn't work. Now again another cheap signing by Jon Daniels that can't hurt us because if he flops it's only 1 year so theres no loss. He looked OK from the little I saw Wednesday, he just made 2 mistakes, and they resulted in a solo and 3 run homer. Again could be trade bait or if he works out may resign with us for cheap since he is a Mesquite product.

Dustin Nippert - He was gonna be waived by the DBacks and we gave up a piece of crap for him, no biggie if he sucks Robinson Tejeda was in the same situation. After seeing him pitch tonight, unless he gains confidence overnight I'd rather see Scott Feldman pitch and that's saying alot because I hate Scott Feldman. He came in with an 11-0 lead and couldn't get 3 outs to close the game. The Rangers caught the ball on the warning track to win 11-6 (The homerun would have made it 11-9)

Couple other thoughts from the 1st 4 games and mainly some gripes from the 1st 2 games. This team needs to fix it's infield defense and fast, 4 errors by Michael Young and Ian Kinsler and 3 wild pitches that partly cost us the game on Opening day and nearly cost us the next day had it not been for Josh Hamilton's heroics in the 9th inning off JJ Putz. Did I mention I love the guy? He made 2 fantastic defensive plays in Seattle including running down a ball that probably about 3 other guys in the league could run down.

One has to wonder when the Rangers starting rotation will start to let up but so far the look damn impressive.

I'm going to guess a .500 year for this club and that will hopefull be progress, no one expect this team to contend and with the Angels sudden injuries and the Mariners lack of offense there's a slim shot we make the playoffs if nearly everything goes right for us. But I'm just looking for development of young talent in the minors, seeing guys like Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton take the next step and establish themselves as top players at there positions and maybe see Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Eric Hurley and Chris Davis come up sometime after the All Star break and hold there own against major leaguers.